It’s not all easy breezy, super-psychedelic and awe-inspiring at all times. Being consciously “awake”, and by awake I mean in-tune with our sixth sense or having an awareness that expands far past this ordinary reality, has its tough spots. Walking the path to spiritual liberation has been the biggest undertaking of my life. At times it’s lonely. Sometimes I just want to be normal like everyone else, going about daily life blissfully unaware of the bigger picture. But then, I remind myself why I am called to do this work. I wasn’t coming to this planet, at this time, in this life to be another one of the “sheeple”.

I came here to reignite our sparks.

I came to call forth the Lightworkers, the shamans, the psychics, the healers and, most importantly, the unawakened. Many times I find myself frustrated that I’m so outnumbered, almost resenting the fact that I have to be “the crazy one” that talks about energy, consciousness, crystal magic, and talking to God. Typically, at least one day of the week I want to be able to step back and make everyone else figure it out. It hurts to have best friends, or even my lover, to say, “I don’t really think I believe in that. I’m sorry, I just don’t get it,” regarding what I consider to be my life’s purpose. I really wish I could just sit everyone down and talk them through the entire ascension process, why this time is SO important, and how to see what this bigger picture is all about, but I find myself carefully picking and choosing the language I use to tell people what I do. My “elevator speech” consists of words based in science, because for most, that’s the most credible form of discovery. I do my best to synonym the word “God” with terms with less charge, like Source, Divine, or Universe in general.

My words don't do justice to the sensations my consciousness feels when it has traveled to the Seventh Plane of Existence, or the All That Is. In a physical sense, I feel sort of a “step-back”, or a sinking in. Like my consciousness moves from my frontal lobe right into my pineal gland. My body has more weight to it, rooted in Mama Gaia, but the space where my heart is, is light and expansive. I don’t “see” visions play out in the clarity and sharpness of what my actual eyes can see; they are coming from the same place as my dreams, they are playing out in my mind’s eye, my third eye, and are sometimes very foggy and confusing…but in an amazing way, I always understand what I’m supposed to.  Sometimes I literally feel the vision, the energy surging around my body, never taking a specific shape. I oftentimes wonder if I’m just making it all up. But the synchronicities are too far tangible to ignore. When I recite my vision back to clients, I’m amazed how similar, or exact, our experiences can be. I pick up on things no one but my client and a source greater than both of us would know. Secrets, desires, memories, and beliefs show themselves to me whether asked for or not, but are always delivered in the highest and best way. Through this work, I know everyone’s “stuff”, but I do not judge them for it. I have the clarity to understand that their trip here has been very, very different than mine. They chose a different life than I did, to complete their own karmic cycle. A lot of people won’t even know that until they walk back to the Light once this lesson plan has been completed.

Some days I really struggle with the fact that people act so unconsciously. I almost can’t take it when people take out their anger blatantly on other people, subconsciously wanting to bring someone else’s energy down to the low vibration of their own to make them feel better. I know that they do that because lashing out in anger was the only way to get attention from their parents growing up, or that maybe they never experienced a healthy way to communicate feelings and slow it all down. I know plenty of people that always fall into shitty relationships because they don’t have the feeling of worthiness, unconditional love, or adequacy and subconsciously let themselves be used, stepped on, mistreated, or taken advantage of. I understand why some people always (attempt to) flee and run away from their problems instead of walking through them. I also understand that people who do horrible things to others in this life have agreed to play a part in a much bigger role, to act out the villain to basically force the population to come together in unity and positivity. That said, I also have to understand that the victims have also agreed to this, and are selflessly sacrificing a really beautiful life here on Earth, or anywhere else for that matter, to help transmute the collective consciousness here from negative to positive, while simultaneously clearing their personal collected karma. Yes, that is what I’m saying: everyone has chosen their path prior to their birth. Children that die too young and people who suffer their entire lives are the bravest souls I know. There is no requirement that says you have to play a part of the suffering, but these souls are doing this for something far greater than most people understand at this point. I’ll share an anecdote here.

My little brother was born two months premature. He had chosen a body that wasn’t fit to live out an entire human life. He knew he would not be around for a very long time, but he did it anyways. He chose a short life full of stress and illness. Nico decided to take this life because my mother had karma to clear, and goodbyes to give. She resented her father for not giving her the proper goodbye she needed, and, in my belief, the same soul came back to be born into Nico’s body to give my mom her solace. Some of you reading this may be thinking, “That’s fucked up, that’s even worse than not being able to say goodbye, to lose a child like that…” I agree. It is fucked up – if you stay on that level of consciousness, it is. However, if you can take a step back, and see that everyone is just playing a role, you will see that anytime you have a negative or a positive, the natural order of the Universe is to neutralize this energy. On the Seventh Plane of Existence, this duality does not exist. So by the Laws of the Universe, any karma (karma as I’m referring to it as is the accumulation of deeds, beliefs, and actions in seemingly positive or negative aspects) has to be neutralized. If you do something really bad in a last life, say murder another human being, in your next life I will safely bet that you will be a murder victim. And thus, the predicament is neutralized. Maybe in my mom’s last life, she abandoned my brother. To set things straight and equal, he had to leave her. Now, all their karma around abandonment has been resolved, and she and I both know we will see him again one day. It’s all about balance.  This same concept could also be why bad things happen to good people. Now, before we start getting all, “Well in that case I’m going to do whatever the hell I want because the Universe will balance itself out anyways,” please don’t go there yet. Stick with me.

So when something really shitty happens to you, take solace that it is all just karma being cleared away for new and better energies to flow into your life. If the same thing happens over, and over, and over again, then we can start to look deeper into what it is that is creating this scenario. More likely than not, this is a belief that you hold on a subconscious level, which can be stored in your core or frontal lobe, your soul’s history (karma and past lives), the soul itself, or even your genetics. Your entire family has been impoverished for as long as records go? Your family line has a genetic code that has perhaps taken an oath of poverty. Sounds far out. But how does it feel to sit with this realization (insert your own example here)? Once you look at the depth of our experience, things tend to go “ah-ha!” and make a whole lot more sense. Also, it’s kind of nice to have that weight taken off your shoulders, knowing that there truly are some things that have been out of your control. (If this piece interests you, please check out my ThetaHealing page!)

I guess what I’m getting at here is that all of the bad things happening right now around the globe are merely part of the process. It’s thousands of years of karma all being released right now. Not to get political but, that orange thing we call Commander-in-Chief, he’s an actor, on more levels than one. Nothing that’s happening right now is without reason and Divine guidance. Creator hasn’t abandoned us, but with everything going on, it is indeed driving us back into our hearts, where our piece of Source energy is stored. The news wants us focused on all the bad, those still grappling to hang onto their power want to keep us in fear, seemingly voiceless. If you can hear me out, please understand that this is a time to come back to LOVE, and “anchor the Light” as my favorite spiritual teacher Matt Kahn would say.

As we watch, more good deeds are taking place than bad. More and more people are being called to form alliances rather than create enemies. It’s a sense of activation, and it’s safe to say if you are a part of the human race you can feel it happening on some level too because get this – we all came here to help on some level. If you aren’t consciously doing anything to help currently, you have this beautiful opportunity to choose whether to continue living on a very simple level (as is your God-given right so no judgments here), or you can take the plunge and dive into the deep waters of transformation. Even still, your action does not need to be on a grand scale; just working on creating the highest and best version of yourself will help the rest of us do our job well. I fully support whatever decision you make, because once again, it’s your trip, not mine. I believe I have done my part of the deal with offering the information to those who want to listen.

I’d also like to interject here that I spend most of my conscious mind’s energy contemplating how to implement a fully conscious life. I’m not there yet. I still have days I want to cry for no reason and I lash out with meanness. It truly is a practice and I honor anyone and everyone for where they are at in their spiritual evolution. I by no means have reached “nirvana” and every single day I work harder at bettering myself. It’ll be a life-long lesson plan.

If you think I’m full of shit, I’m okay with that. I still wish the best for you and I still love you for all that you are. If you believe I have all the answers, believe me in this: I don’t. If you have some gears that are starting to turn in your head, I have done my job. If you have taken nothing from this piece, I regret nothing and I still believe I have done my job. I know not everyone wants to walk this path – it’s scary, it can be overwhelming, and you have to look at your shadow-side daily. I have found all of these obstacles worth overcoming for the fact that I experience life on a much deeper and more nourishing level of fullness than most will ever claim. When it’s my day to walk Home, I know that I will have done the best job I could have and that I found true enjoyment, purpose, and meaning in every single day.

I had a friend tell me about one of her visions of me – I was sitting, intently focused on a fire in front of me. I had a personal relationship with the dancing flame, as I was the fire-tender. Eventually, someone came and relieved me of my duty. As I stepped away, I was tentative but reassured. That was all she had to give me about the vision (apart from the fact she “saw” me as my past life when I was a shaman/Priestess.) I was confused about the vision at first, but now it all makes sense to me. My soul has been in charge of keeping the sacred fire lit, to have the beacon of optimism still shining in hopes that others will come. The others have come. And there are many of us now. I am not the only one, but my work is no less important. I’m sure I will have another turn of tending the fire, but for now, my job is to bring this flame with me in my heart, to all my interactions with all people.