november 10, 2018

“no, change is the wrong word.

you’ll still be the same person when you return.

expand is more appropriate.

you’ve already done your changing.

now it is time to expand upon what you already are.”

i resonated with her words so deeply,

fighting the typical response

of tears flooding my eyes

and pouring over this beautiful meal.

i knew she was right -

i’ve done enough personal transformation.

i’ve stripped away many of the parts of myself

that weren’t actually mine in the first place.

inherited from ancestors,

impressed by the collective,

and laid on by others who wanted

to control my energy

for their own personal gain.

i’ve witnessed my mental,

physical,

emotional,

psychological,

and most of all

spiritual

change,

and now i have reached the point

where i get to expand.

expand my hearts reach.

expand towards my wildest dreams.

expand my spiritual capacity.

and with that,

my global community.

i can now expand my gift of giving,

and in turn,

my ability to receive.

it’s now not a matter of

‘what needs to shed next?’

and instead a matter of

‘what part of myself has room to expand even more?’

i’ve done so much of the work

i’ve needed to do

to transform.

the deep diving.

the heavy lifting.

alchemize the heavy into lightness,

& the ethereal into the worldly.

the process isn’t finished

and it will only be complete

when i draw my last breath.

but today i took my first breath of rebirth.

my first conscious breath in this new energy.

i thought i came here to heal,

and that’s not untrue,

but truly i arrived in this sacred land

to reconnect,

to cherish this experience of life,

to find that magic still lives

in even the smallest of moments.

to expand.

i have never been as ‘here’ as i am right now.

jaelyn kohl